Computer Scientist · Master's Student
Patrick
Khalifeh
Professionally postponing employment, one semester at a time.
📍 The library. Or the couch. Both count as campus.
About
Patrick is a computer scientist currently pursuing a Master's degree, a decision he describes as "strategic" and everyone else describes as "hiding".
He has strong opinions on programming languages, weak opinions on deadlines, and no opinions whatsoever on what he'll do after graduation.
His thesis topic changes every time someone asks about it. The current working title is "Something With AI, Probably".
Vital Statistics
Measured during finals week. Results contested.
Both to the university for another degree.
Projection assumes current extension velocity.
Surprisingly real. Hidden behind the procrastination.
Skills
Gaming Taste
Patrick's library has one rule: it must be free. Not on sale. Not cheap. Free. He has installed every free-to-play game ever released and purchased approximately none of them. The few paid titles below were gifts, family-shared, or acquired through methods he describes as "a long story".
Minecraft
Sandbox
Redstone engineer
Built a working computer inside the game. Will not build a resume outside it.
GTA
Open world
Wanted level: 5 stars
Has completed every heist in Los Santos. Has never completed a job application.
Dragon Ball
Anime fighter
Super Saiyan (self-declared)
Powers up for three episodes before every exam. Still doesn't study.
Slay the Spire
Roguelike deckbuilder
Ascension 20
Will make 400 decisions in one run. Cannot make one about his career.
Genshin Impact
Gacha RPG
F2P (and proud)
Has never spent a cent. Has spent a semester. Says the semester was free.
Anything Free
Whatever Epic is giving away this week
Wishlist: 340 games. Owned: 0
Will play a 2/10 game if it's free. Will not play a 10/10 game if it's $4.99.
Career Trajectory
Bachelor's
B.Sc. Computer Science
Finished on time. A mistake he has not repeated since.
Gap Summer
The Panic
Receives a job offer. Discovers master's programs the same afternoon.
Now
M.Sc. in Progress
Thesis: pending. Advisor: concerned. GPA: fine, actually.
Future
Ph.D. (Probably)
The job market will wait. The job market always waits.
Fun Facts
- Has a LinkedIn profile that still says "Open to opportunities" from 2022. He is not.
- Refactored his thesis proposal 14 times. Has not started the thesis.
- Can explain Big-O notation in detail. Cannot explain his five-year plan.
- Describes "full-time student" as his dream job. Technically, he's living it.
- Has claimed every free Epic Games giveaway since 2018. Has launched four of them.
In His Own Words
“I'm not avoiding work. I'm doing research on avoiding work.”
“A master's is just a bachelor's with a longer loading screen.”
Evidence
Had enough of Patrick?